It's a funny ol' language

[Derek]

I read this recently - kinda funny how things work.
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English is not the easiest of languages, is it?

Can you read these correctly the first time?

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant, no ham in hamburger and no apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
One index, 2 indices??

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, you fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"

[RizlaUK]

English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

Ha Ha, ain't that the truth

it is a messed up language for sure, living in such a multi cultural city as i do, i hear "English" spoken many different ways.....and sometimes i think that the ones that are "learning" the language tend to speak it better than some natives

[Derek]

and sometimes i think that the ones that are "learning" the language tend to speak it better than some natives

Ya right about that! I remember my French teacher used to correct my English

[Intrigued]

Also, why is there no American-English word to rhyme with Orange.



ps. I hope English 2.0 comes out soon!

[RizlaUK]

English 2.0, lol

well we think we have it bad....think about the (real) old english (middle english)

Signet of Henry V

By the Kyng Trusty and welbeloued. ffor asmuche as in cer tain matiers þat gretely touchen and concernen þe good /
weele / and worship of vs our Landes lordships and subgittes We haue willed our Comissaries berers herof to comen with you: We
woll / desire / and pray you þerfore hertely / þat in suche þinges as þat þei or eny of þeim
woll shewe declare / and sey vnto you on our behalf: ye woll yeue vnto hem / and to eche of hem full feith and credence: And we pray you
þat ye leue not þis as ye woll þe good weele / and worship abouesaid: Yeuen vndre our priue seel at westmin stre
þe .xx. day of Iuyll This style of trusty and welbeloued may be direct to oon persone / or to as many
to gider as shal lyke þe said Commissioners: And it may serue for all maner men yif nede be except Bisshops: Item
þe said style of Trusty and welbeloued may serue for Citees Tovneships and Commaltees after þis tennour in
þe taile of þe lettre: To our trusty and welbe loued þe thrifty men notable persones and Comin alte
of our Citee of .A. or of the Tovne of .B. and to eueriche of þeim. To þe Right Dere in
god / and Dere in god eueriche of þees styles may serue for Abbottes / Prioures / Denes Archediacones.
And for nede for thrifty Persons

that must be the "DOS Beta" of english

[Intrigued]

DOS beta... okay, feeling pwn'ed.

[Derek]

By the Kyng Trusty and welbeloued. ffor asmuche as in cer tain matiers þat gretely touchen and concernen þe good /
weele / and worship of vs our Landes lordships and subgittes We haue willed our Comissaries berers herof to comen with you: We
woll / desire / and pray you þerfore hertely / þat in suche þinges as þat þei or eny of þeim
woll shewe declare / and sey vnto you on our behalf: ye woll yeue vnto hem / and to eche of hem full feith and credence: And we pray you
þat ye leue not þis as ye woll þe good weele / and worship abouesaid: Yeuen vndre our priue seel at westmin stre
þe .xx. day of Iuyll This style of trusty and welbeloued may be direct to oon persone / or to as many
to gider as shal lyke þe said Commissioners: And it may serue for all maner men yif nede be except Bisshops: Item
þe said style of Trusty and welbeloued may serue for Citees Tovneships and Commaltees after þis tennour in
þe taile of þe lettre: To our trusty and welbe loued þe thrifty men notable persones and Comin alte
of our Citee of .A. or of the Tovne of .B. and to eueriche of þeim. To þe Right Dere in
god / and Dere in god eueriche of þees styles may serue for Abbottes / Prioures / Denes Archediacones.
And for nede for thrifty Persons

If I spoke like that I'd choose not to speak!